I don’t get any comments on this blog….well, at least not many! SO, I don’t really know if any reads what I write or not. Honestly, I’m not sure that it matters, because for me, it is a way of expressing myself and journaling some of the events in my life and some of the things I’m learning. I know I read a ton of blogs and hardly ever comment, so maybe that’s the case in my experience here. But, either way, writing benefits me. This morning that is especially true!
As you may have realized, both of our older sons are getting married within the next six months. One will be married in early April and one will be married in early June. That means there are changes astir within our household and of course within the “group dynamic.” That’s not a bad thing…..it just means that once again, I can always count on the fact that life WILL and DOES change.
My third son is now a junior in high school. I can hardly believe that fact even as I write it. As you know, high school and especially being an upper classman brings with it some interesting “changes.” He is now driving alone and has a pretty demanding job for a high schooler in that he works with and teaches elementary children at a local after school program. Fifteen hours of work a week is alot for a high schooler to manage and still stay current on school work and family responsibilities. However, with his typical fashion, he has hit the responsibilities head on and does them with incredible attention to detail and with incredible diligence. He amazes me. However, the change in his schedule…is just that a CHANGE…..and it affects the entire family.
Last night, that became painfully evident. My fourth son is 11 and about to turn 12. He absolutely worships the ground his older brother walks on and, to the credit of his older brother, there is reason for that as my third son has really been a model big brother to my 11 year old. Can you tell where this is going? All afternoon and part of the evening yesterday, it was evident that my 11 year old could not WAIT for his 16 year old brother to get home from work. When big brother did get home, he was exhausted and kindly but firmly said that they would need to “hang out” tomorrow when he was feeling more rested.
OH…the pain and disappointment in my 11 year olds eyes. I knew what he was feeling and encouraged him to share with us what was bothering him. After a few encouraging remarks from mom and dad, he finally blurted out AND admitted that he “missed” his brother and that he was not at all happy or comfortable with all the changes that were taking place in our family. Two big brothers getting married, girls coming into our lives, and now, his closest brother in age developing a life away from the house with the advent of driving and job.
After some initial comforting and encouraging words, we sent the boys downstairs to have a heart to heart. We could hear them talking while the younger admitted to the older that he felt like his older brother just didn’t want to “hang” with him anymore and that it made him sad that his older brother didn’t want to play legos as much. CHANGE! Our 16 year old patiently explained the changes, the reasons for the changes and that the CHANGE did not mean he did not want to be with his brother. He reassured his younger brother that he did indeed still like playing legos (don’t tell anyone) and that he also really did enjoy hanging out with him. In a way that only an older brother can, he reassured his younger brother that although things might change, he would always be his brother and they would always find time to be together.
While their discussion was going on, John and I were having a discussion of our own. Had we allowed the schedule to be too full or had we just become careless about finding concentrated time for the four of us to “hang” or were we not providing enough “down” time for the bros to hang out together. After some discussion, we found some ways we could simply yet effectively alter the weekly schedule and release some stress for everyone and continue to nurture family relationships amidst the CHANGE!
One thing is constant! One thing we can ALWAYS count on and that is…..LIFE WILL AND DOES CHANGE! I once watched the movie Parenthood starring Steve Martin. He was a father with a son who struggled in school and in sports and never felt like he could do anything right. Of course, Steve Martin worried that his son’s struggles were a result of him not doing something right as a father. As the movie progresses, not only is Steve Martin facing struggles with his son, but stresses from work, stresses from extended family etc. Sound familiar? Steve Martin’s mother in the movie, is an older, grandmotherly type of woman and one evening Steve expresses his frustration to his very wise mother. AND……in using an illustration of an amusement park and the difference between the roller coaster and the merry go round she says:
“It was just interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited and so thrilled all together,” she says. “Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”
That’s the way I see change! or rather, the way I’m TRYING to see change. CHANGE may be constant…..but God is more constant than anything else. As His child, he is most glorified when I am most satisfied in HIM…..not in things, not in accomplishments, not even in earthly relationships. God is sanctifying all believers to become more like Him so that we can bring more glory to Him. GOD IS CONSTANT and His purpose is constant. So amidst the ever proverbial change that I seem to be surrounded with, I can look to HIM and know that He is indeed faithful and constant amidst the change. He will use the change and the things I learn from it to glorify Himself. What a lesson to be learned and what a lesson to be shared to that tearful 11 year old as he begins to understand the relative constancy of change and the absolute constancy and faithfulness of his God.
Faith and Courage,
Lori Lane
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